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The Selling Power Interview
Listen to Robert Danger Workman's interview with Jeffrey Gitomer of Selling Power magazine Selling Power - The Hired Gun Interview

1 - The Hired Gun

“Let’s get something straight.  You don’t need to know my name because this isn’t a social occasion.  I don’t expect you to invite me to dinner or introduce me to your nice upper-crust social circles.  So don’t insult me by trying to make me think you are.  I’m here to get the job done, and to get paid. 

We’re not here to be friends, so I don’t care if you like me; I care that you pay me.  You probably think there ought to be laws against things I do.  Sometimes there are.  But right now you need me because there’s nobody else in history that can get you what you need.  You need me so bad you’re willing to pay anything to get me to do what nobody else can do.  After that we’ll probably never see each other again.  Fine.  You’ll have your empire back, and I’ll have a suitcase full of platinum.  And don’t even think about double-crossing me.  

 

            You got me here because my results are guaranteed.  No results, no money.  Liabilities?  None.  You don’t know me, you don’t pay my expenses, you don’t pay my hospital bills.  I’ll tell you something, pal: I’m taking this job because you’re right, they’re wrong and it pays well.  Right now they have the upper hand on you because they think they’re holding all the cards.  But you’ve just broken a new deck.  So for the time being you have my undivided loyalty.

 

            Any questions?”    

 

            When I finished my gentle introduction I paused to look at the guy who hired me.  I almost felt sorry for him.  Here he sat in his hip Earth-Surface retro penthouse, his manufactured Roman sculpture face streaked and bleary-eyed from crying and his hair disheveled from hands that held his head in angst.  The few things I didn’t know about him hung on his walls:  an oar from his great-great-grandfather’s crew team days beneath his Ivy League cybercertificate that didn’t prepare him for business like this; the life-sized interactive hologram of his sniffy-nosed girlfriend near the Realwood® baby grand piano he probably played for friends at business parties.  Yeah, life was rough.  Just enough homespun antiquities to bring a sense of quality inside from the perpetual Ominous. 

 

You see, commerce in 2211 was one ongoing party, or as they called it, “an affair.”  Business took place at functions, held mostly in the homes of the corporate officers.  Real production occurred in a few sparse areas of the planet still fit for living.  The rest occurred among the asteroids that encircled the earth just outside the Clark Belt after they exploded part of the moon in the last World War. 

 

The Ominous was what had become of the atmosphere after three centuries of industrial and cultural advancements, improvements unbelievable in their ability to bond oxygen to argon and create darkness and perpetual acid rain that struck everything under 5,000 feet.

 

Alquin; another nebulous high-tech billionaire.  He advanced me two days ago, but I delayed our meeting 24 hours after I arrived.  I immediately checked into the Global Cybercenter and got what I needed of his corporate and personal histories mainlined into me in a dose of history serum.  The underground stuff I got by reliving future events on El C.I.D.

(Cerebral Interlaced Device). 

 

This wasn’t my first advance rodeo. 

 

            “Advancing” someone meant reaching back in time and propelling me forward to the twenty-second or twenty-third centuries.  After 2400, advancements were outlawed.  Corporate security and firewalls were so unscrupulously monitored that even I had only slipped through for one contract after 2400. 

 

I didn’t enjoy compressing my body’s electrons and screaming through time-portal wormholes at the speed of light;  it made me claustrophobic.  But every profession has its occupational hazards.  The money was good and in those kinder-gentler modern times of fabricated rights and protections; the job was usually as tough as safecracking a piggy bank.

 

            “First things first,” I said.  “Fifty kilos of PlatinumPur® now, fifty on delivery.” 

           

His head shot up at the mention of money.  For the first time he looked at me through lucid magenta eyes.  “Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?  We need to discuss the distress, your solution, your plans.”

 

            “Wrong, chum.  We need to see the dough.  I don’t discuss my solution with anybody.”  Then, for his sake, I added, “That’s for your protection.  You don’t know anything about me, remember?”

 

            “I know more about you than you do, mister,” he shot back.  “You make history with a capital ‘H’.  You’re in all the serums and El C.I.D. archives.” He paused.  “I know when you’re going to die, and how.”

 

            I gave him a twisted grin that made him cringe.  “What do I care?  Obviously it hasn’t happened yet.”  The crack of my knuckles reverberated off his polished aluminum walls like gunshots.  “Get the bars.”

 

            “It’s easier for both of us to use a chip card.  500,000 chips now, balance of another 500,000 on completion.  You can carry it out in your pocket.”

 

            “Don’t make me laugh.  That does me as much good back in 2002 as a wooden nickel.” 

 

            “You’ll need operating capital while you’re here.  You can use the chip card for anything.  I’ll reimburse all expenses, of course.”

“Right.  And you’ll cancel it before I take off.  No dice.”

 

            “Excuse me?”

 

            “Get the bars,” I said, “or I’m out of here.”   

 

            He closed his eyes.  I could almost hear the processor implant in his cerebral cortex working the combination to the tumblers of his safe.  A section of wall opened to reveal his liquidmetal vault.  As he got up and crossed the room its door dropped and became a tray.  Inside, a couple hundred kilos of PlatinumPur® bars gleamed their trademark patina.

 

            I handed him the titanium valise that had been at my feet.  He laboriously counted out fifty bars and set them inside.  As soon as he finished, the tray closed up and the wall seamlessly refashioned itself. 

“I expect regular reports,” he said. “I’ll set you up for direct telekinesis with me.”  He tried to sound like the successful businessman who engineered one of the century’s biggest information conglomerates.  He failed.  The poor bastard’s nerves were in need of a neuroguru. 

 

            I gave my timepiece a quick glance.  “I’ll be back in one revolution,” I said.  “My meetings are in person.” 

 

            “Impossible.  I’ll be in the Clark Belt at a formal affair.”

 

            “Suit yourself, pal.  You can stay here while I regain your position on the Forbes Interplanetary Power Poll or you can go party with your pals in the suburbs.”

 

            “Alquin doesn’t wait for meetings with anyone,” he stated.

 

            I was already at the portal, valise in hand.  “Have a drink,” I said.  “I’m your proxy.”

 

            “But you don’t know where . . .” he started to ask.

 

The portal opened, then slid shut behind me.

Next weeks episode: Big Tits

1 - The Hired Gun

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